Post #21 - This Birthday Felt Different

This year felt different. It was my first birthday since my breast cancer diagnosis - and everything about it carried deeper meaning.

I feel different, too. I feel profoundly grateful to be here, to celebrate another birthday, and to be given another year to look forward to. This milestone has caused me to pause and reflect in ways I never had before. What do I want to accomplish this year? What do I want this next chapter of my life to look like?

Right now, I know exactly how I feel - grateful, loved, and incredibly blessed. The challenge is learning how to hold onto that mindset through the demands of everyday life: the grind of the workweek, the stress that inevitably finds its way in, and the quiet, lingering worry that cancer leaves in the background of my thoughts.

I was blessed to celebrate my birthday surrounded by family. My husband’s family surprised us during the holidays, making the celebration so thoughtful and generous. My own family found a night to gather for a beautiful dinner filled with laughter, conversation, and connection. It was one of those evenings that fills your heart long after it ends.

On my actual birthday, I spent my 50th birthday weekend in Tampa, Florida, with my youngest daughter, Sami, and my oldest son, Ricky. We were there for an ECNL soccer showcase for Sami, and I made the decision to take two days off work—something that doesn’t come easily for me. But this time, I truly disconnected. This weekend wasn’t about emails or to-do lists. It was about being fully present, completely engaged, and soaking in every moment with my children.

The morning of my birthday began in the most peaceful way. While the girls participated in a yoga session on the beach, the parents walked along the shoreline. The sound of the waves, the ocean air, the stillness, and my own thoughts created the perfect start to my day. In that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

That gratitude carried me through the rest of the day—and the entire weekend. It’s the feeling I want to hold onto as I move forward. My goal for this birthday year is simple, yet powerful: to stay grounded in gratitude, to remain present, and to fully engage in the life unfolding around me.

Thank you, God, for another trip around the sun. Even typing those words brings tears to my eyes. This past year was filled with uncertainty, fear, and questions about what my future might hold. Now, I trust that God has a purpose for me—and I am ready to step into it with faith, intention, and an open heart.

January 18th
This past weekend was another beautiful reminder of how blessed I truly am.

On Friday night, my friends surprised me with a birthday celebration at Michaelangelo’s—one of our favorite wineries and restaurants in the area. I was completely overwhelmed by the love and support I felt from these dear friends. It was such a fun evening filled with laughter, great conversation, and time spent with friends and their husbands. They showered me with thoughtful gifts, but even more than that, they surrounded me with love. As the night came to an end, the emotions caught up with me - and the tears flowed.

My mind often feels like a constant battle between doubt and worry, while at the same time being filled with love, gratitude, and blessings. It’s a strange and conflicting space to live in, and one I navigate daily. I think the reality of everything is finally settling in. Last year, I was numb - operating in survival mode, simply putting one foot in front of the other. I stayed busy, focused, and determined to get through each step that was necessary to survive. Now, months later, the emotions are finally soaking in. I feel more than I can ever fully put into words.

As I continue to manage these conflicting emotions - gratitude alongside worry - I intentionally turn my focus toward my faith. My faith has been my anchor and my strength through everything this past year.

That same weekend, while reflecting on all of this, I received a message in a group text from my “God Squad.” One friend shared how powerful the church service was that morning—centered entirely on healing. Another friend chimed in, agreeing, and mentioned how she thought of so many of us being healed. That message stayed with me.

On our drive home from Findlay, after visiting our amazing daughter, my husband and I listened to the sermon together. My friends were absolutely right - it was an incredible message that deeply resonated with me. Our pastor spoke about how God is a healing God. He shared that we are called to pray with humility and surrender, trusting that God sees the full picture of our lives, even when we cannot. Sometimes prayers are answered immediately. And sometimes, our prayers are answered through a journey of healing that God lovingly invites us into.

Those words hit me hard - because that is exactly where I am.

God healed me physically on March 18th. Through His power, He guided my doctors to remove all the cancer from my body. I truly believe I was physically healed that day. But now, months later, I realize that I am still on God’s journey of healing—emotionally and spiritually. This healing is shaping me into the person He is calling me to become.

This chapter of my life carries a story and a purpose that God has given me. And so, I will continue to stay faithful, trust His plan, and walk forward - one step at a time - on this journey of healing.